in the time it takes to silently whisper
where candy grows on trees
you can be the wind around
the mud under your feet.
the water more than speaks to you
loves you in the depths of you
only the ocean knows that vision
and teaches you to see.
On Monday night, Joe, Robbie, and I drove into Hilo so that I could perform with a few musicians at the Hilo Ava Bar on the Bayfront. Iris and I were supposed to play together but she came down with a fever and asked me to hold it down. You never know who’s going to show up for a gig to watch you, and how many people will be there, or if it will be worth your time. That’s the beauty of being a musician. You do it for the love. Dave, the owner of the Ava Bar was super kind and decided that he was going to get us “saturated.” He poured bowl after bowl of Ava and told us it was for “our tribe.” Adrian, an amazing musician who can play anything, and Eric, another amazing musician who can play anything, were both there. Kahalee (spelling might be wrong) is another musician who wasn’t there when we started but showed up later, right on time. We freestyled for a bit, then played our own original works, rotating throughout the night as more and more people stopped in because they could here our music from the street outside. By the end of the night we were all there playing in front of a full house on a Monday night, for no other reason but to play. Its fun being around musicians and taking the time to share what you do with others, especially when the owner and the listeners are all on board with respect and love for what you do. When there is a mutually encouraging environment, people bring the best parts of themselves, and that’s what happened Monday night. It was the first time my brother Joe had tasted Ava, and it was the first time Robbie and I drank so much Ava that by the end of the night, we were saturated. We were tipped well and taken care of which was just a perk after having so much fun playing music with one another and enjoying each others songs. Each one of us heard the other person play and took away new and interesting ways to talk about the spirit. We all have our own style, and by rotating, I feel like it really kept the crowd interested and feeling like what they were witnessing was special. And it was. I knew the full moon was only a couple of days away and I would be doing a similiar show at the Ava bar in Kalapana at Uncle Roberts on Wednesday. We drove home that night excited to do the same thing two days later, but with different people, in a different venue, on the full moon.
BEAUTIFUL LIFE
BEAUTIFUL LIFE
BEAUTIFUL LIFE
After attaching the wings from a light trike to poles so that we could use it as an awning over our yert’s deck we started getting ready for the full moon and the evening ahead. See the pictures of the wings, if you see the yert with the wings attached it looks like a flying house, and that’s what it felt like last night, like the three of us, Robbie and my brother, were flying through time and space on the full moon. We had brought a coconut, some tobacco, a little tequila, some job’s tears, a lilikoi passion flower, and a smashed penny from the train track back in Washington St. as offerings to Pele, the spirit of the island, and the spirit of the volcano, on the full moon. My brother hasn’t introduced himself to Pele yet, and it seemed like the right time. After we left Uncle Robert’s I gave a few tarot readings, got some herb and loot on donation, and then drove to Kahena to kill some time. There are usually people guarding the entrance to the Lava field where you can go and visit Pele on the full moon, and you have to go later in the night when they are gone and it’s darker. A friend of mine had posted a picture of a night rainbow on facebook earlier in the day and the three of us were talking about how cool it would be to see a night rainbow. The three of us meditated, asked life to show us a night rainbow, because we had never seen one before, and then hung out at Kahena waiting for the night to fall. We met an awesome sister who has studied dolphins and works on helping people understand different levels of communication. She explained that the dolphins communicated through pictures and that they told their stories through visualizations. She reminded us that we can visualize all of the words that we use through pictures in our mind, and if we begin to communicate a series of pictures to express an idea, we are now finding the first steps of non-verbal communication. To speak without words, and understand one another, I believe, is a real key in knowing that we are coming into the next level of consciousness. What this beautiful woman shared with us, was the first steps for me to understand how to do that. On the full moon, on a beautiful beach, we received an amazing download. She thanked me for my tarot reading and gave us some herb, or as she called it. “light.” We were thankful and walked up the rock steps to the parking lot so that we could head to Kalapana, and give our offerings to Pele under the light of the full moon. When we arrived there was still some security so we told them we were visiting some friends that live on the lava and they told us to drive through. There are a few houses that are on the edge of the lava flow near the ocean, and we knew someone who used to live there, which is why we knew to pretend that we weren’t just going to see the lava. We parked, smoked some herb, waited for any tourists and security to leave, and hoped for the moon to make an appearance. It was already dark but there were a lot of clouds in the sky and we didn’t want to walk along the lava rock in the dark. Right when we decided to leave the moon came out from behind the clouds and started shining on the three of us. As we walked past the barriers that tourists aren’t allowed to cross in the daytime we looked up, and saw, almost all at the same time, the most amazing arch across the sky. The rain was barely falling, and the moon was full, and here, in the middle of the night, was a “rainbow.” A NIGHT RAINBOW!!!!! We all looked at each other, incredulous, even though life keeps on showing that it is there for us to experience, and everything is possible, we still couldn’t believe that we were all actually looking at a night rainbow for the first time. It was a beautiful evening. We walked to a sweet spot, gave our offerings, thanked Pele, and thanked Life for the Love that it always shows, and walked back to the car, watching as the NightBow still shined through the dark sky. We took some more pictures, almost hesitant to leave because it was still there. Eventually we drove back home, talking excitedly the whole way about our evening. Tarot readings and herb, kickdowns and rainbows in the night. Pele and offerings, and of course, knowing that we’re home.
The fifth dimension reveals my second attention.
Light attaches to me
to you
from the source.
The tree light,
all fresh and shuddering
falls on your lovely face.
That light in your happy eyes,
that light in your throat chakra,
spilling onto every cell of life.
Nourish the growth, let the light nourish your growth.
When the light seeps out of that beautiful mouth of yours,
nothing is safe, the dark is abundant and never safe,
the dark is so sacred that only light may touch it,
enter it, nourish the growth.
These connections web and web
and they nourish the growth of our light.
Feel the points blinding your heart with love.
Feel the cords hold everything in an embrace so sweet reality disappears.
Living in a dream,
when everythings a dream,
theres no waking up.
Now is the time to use our dreaming eyes to see ourselves real.
Open your dreaming eyes and nourish your growth with the truth.
See the lights, see the lights of truth in the center of your being.
your second attention is open and spilling onto me,
soak me the the radiance of your dream,
nourish my growth.
My second attention is open and spilling onto you,
soak you in the radiance of my dream,
nourish your growth.
aaahhhh….finding the balance in communication. It can be difficult sometimes. I’m going to assume that most people reading this have been in a relationship at one time or another. With a parent. With a partner. With a friend. And in those relationships we find our balance on what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do, and how much of what we say and do is related to what we know about ourselves, and what is related to that partnership. It’s a difficult balance to strike at times. We want to be honest with the authenticity of our nature, and we want our partners to be authentic with themselves, but when lines get crossed, and we feel like our relationships are crossing our own ability to know ourselves deeply, how do we communicate? I’ve been fortunate enough to have gone through four pregnancies, four births, and four “recovery” periods (which are as long as the pregnancy itself, I swear). In that process I have attempted to learn how best to communicate with the one’s I love. If you haven’t heard of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, then let me share. 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. This is the elementary school understanding of what we are supposed to do in our communications with one another. It isn’t revolutionary, it isn’t something that is meant to blow your mind, it’s just basic. I like to play games and have fun, which is why I started with the assumption that we all have relationships that matter. Who the fuck am I to assume that all people have some kind of relationship that they are sorting out. Damn, already failed the first two agreements in the first paragraph. I write this because I want you, wonderful reader, to know, that even when we understand the most basic principals of communication, we will fail, at times, to uphold what we know. It’s tough, but it’s going to happen. It’s not about what you fail to do, in any aspect of life, it’s about how you handle that failure. We find ourselves bogged down sometimes, unable to make real changes, because we’re too worried about what we failed to live up to, instead of recognizing that we have come to new understandings about what failure means in our lives. I loved watching “SHE…ON THE TIP OF HER TONGUE.” Not just because my lady was a part of the show, but because I felt like I was being given access to creative, intuitive, feminine understanding of life that I don’t always get. From the beginning I was blown away, because each sister that was a part of the show was my friend, and was doing things that I had never seen them do together. After the practices, and the rehearsals, and the two day shows, I was completely speechless (which, if you know me, is a rarity). In understanding the offers of sisters who I respected, I couldn’t help but look at my own communication with the woman that are in my life.
My experience with the entire production moved me. At the end of the second show I couldn’t help but think about my beautiful children, my wonderful partner, and the women whose lives I’ve been a part of. We have an obligation to love one another, and an obligation to love ourselves. That process is tricky, and the calls to selfishness can come often. The painting in the photo was done by Jewels. She has been an influential sister in my life, in the sense that she has offered the authenticity of herself, even when she didn’t know me. She is a psychic, loving, compassionate sister who has helped me understand my partnership with Robbie. Iris Eve, who put the show together, has been a best friend to me. Hangin out, playin music, sharing stories that remind me of my own days on the road, beatin drums and bringin chaos. Her love for my partner has helped me to understand my relationship with the one I love. Amber Ray of Light, beautiful woman, has helped me know the playful nature of myself, how not to take myself seriously, and where to place my energy when it comes time to manifest. I call these three women the Sisters of Mercy, after a song by Leonard Cohen from the ’60’s. They taught me so much before “SHE,” but when I watched the three of them perform, I couldn’t help but be moved to another depth of understanding.
A lot of what I’ve experienced over the last two years with my partner has been very new. It’s difficult to accept the past when we are creating new endeavors together. This isn’t only true just in partnership with lovers, it’s true in our relationships with family and friends. I’ve always been partial to keeping things “positive” but I’m never willing to surrender honest exploration for the sake of sweeping our feelings under the proverbial rug. How do we discuss what effects us, in ways that our honest to our real feelings, and inclusive of the emotions and perspective of the one’s we love, without denying the authenticity of our nature? 
I took these pictures at the “SHE” show, and had a great time pretending to be a photgrapher for a second. In the process I got to see through Robbie’s eyes, get to know how she captures what she captures, and found myself understanding what she does better than I ever have. If we ever think we know what the other person is seeing, it’s important to take the time to find a way to stand in that person’s shoe’s before we offer our perspective. In doing so, we may learn how best to communicate what we know is the Eternal Love that runs through all of us. It is possible to live, share, grow, be honest with ourselves, and find a way to do it together, without hurting one another. I know it’s possible. After the event, Jewel’s man, Mike, was so inspired that he’s started putting together “HE….WARRIOR’S ON THE EDGE OF PEACE” Don’t quote me, that might no be exactly right, but rest assured, the brothers are inspired, and we’re happy to offer blessings, in our own right, to the elements that the sisters have already shown us how to honor. I’m only thankful, and blessed, to know the “Sisters of Mercy,” and keep on growing enough to honor the woman that I love. Thanks and Praise beautiful people!
Last night was our last performance of SHE…on the tip of her tongue, and I can’t believe its over. No more practice, no more selling tickets…its kind of funny when you focus on finishing something and then its over, just like that and you wish you had more time to live it. The journey was so amazing, spending time with 10 authentic, loving, light bringing SHEs…I am so blessed to have been a part of such a powerful project. Its been awhile since I have been on stage (a few high school plays and a short debut as Robbilicious is my only experience with being in the spotlight) and its been something new, something right in line with my life lessons, my voice will be heard. My voice. SHEs speak from the heart, I have never been to a show where sharing exactly whats in your heart, for the purpose of empowering and healing the people of the world and our beautiful mother earth. It was big, it is a movement, a movement of energy and love has been activated and we will do everything in our power to fuel the fire that we started with this project.
I was honored to be a part of this creation, I have learned so much from our time together as sisters, so much inspiration and love was shared. Next time the journey to get to our result will be filled with love in so many new and more potent ways, the focus will be more in tune with the vibration of healing we are sending out to the universe in even more amazing ways, because we have been blessed with this experience and now we know what it is. collective love is a powerful thing! When it is handled with grace and honesty from the truest place, transformations happen. Love happens. The journey of knowing oneself is beautiful and slow. Hearing my own voice, not just hearing it but knowing the energy it can bring, knowing I am free to express my self in my own most true ways feels…big. These sisters came together and held space for each other to be free. The support is esincial…prefect and in line with all of the data points on my path, in line with the universe and the love vibration we are striving for. When we stop pushing against the current, when we let love decide our movement, the learning never stops. Your heart speaks with strength. When you are in the flow and your blessing cups are overflowing with the waters of love, inspiration happens, every being in your presence can be filled with that vibration! 
love happens all the time, in every kind of relationship there is love. people explode with love and the only way to live, the only way to heal is to be in it so deep it is the only thing you live. Knowing your self is the biggest part of love. Be in love with yourself! The golden cord in the center of our selves radiates the most potent medicine for our own being. We can heal our selves with love and joy is the only thing that remains. The sacred elements have been invoked in each of us and this life is full of ancient wisdom swimming right over our heads, our crowns dipping into the cool ocean of truth, right on the tips of our tongues, waiting to pour forth in a powerful movement of love. To know the voice inside your heart is to know that wisdom. Only you can know what you know, only you can share whats in your heart. Only you can make your self whole. I give thanks for my sweet tribe family, for the space we hold for each other, the openness and love that illuminates our path to the higher self.
The Fire…
SHE has a flame at the center of her, in everything she is, every cell, every movement, every voice inside of her burns bright, untouched by the little flame. It fuels her, it dances in its little spot, so mysterious and changing, wordless and illogical, her flame burns clean, smokeless, and clear. If she holds in her sight this crystal ball which is a single piece of her being, the flame and the life water creates universes, IS LIFE. She lets that flame burn, dance and confuse her with unimaginable truth, make her mind scream with frustration at the burning love she can’t possibly understand. It is wordless. The no mind. Her dream reality is twisted and stretched beyond her personal limits. Her little flame is lost in this outlined tunnel of collective dream creations. She is so good at taking the parts that make sence and smashing them into her reality, so much smoke in the vision of now, the search for the fire is endless, hard and dull and joyless. But its burning, let the sky inside exist. The flame can light her sky, it is the background of love. Her dream reality can be open, open fully, bravely. Thats where the other universes live, the space between her lips and yours, in the moment of slow recognized empty space, between her lips and yours. That is where new galaxies are born, the threads of life and be gently, softly, repositioned, nourished. That heavy space is filled with the flame inside of her, inside of you, your own wordless flame in this life of sky, with the Pele plume pushing the burning light into every eternal space…and the smoke is rising.
Everywhere I turn, life is speaking to me. I have opened myself to the will of love and I know it is endless. The love will never stop. So many imprints in my mind, so many worldly attachments, unnecessary arguments and skewed perspectives can be dissolved. When you are living deep in the ocean of love those things cannot exist. The hangups and the mindfucks and the judgments can be dropped…throw them into the earth fire under our roots, deep into our mother and let them rise up as healing light, illuminating the path for our brothers and sisters. To know that you are all you have is a scary taught in the dream of society. Where we are taught to fear being open, taught to fear ourselves. The tools to find true love are all around us when we are open to ourselves. Every meeting with another life is sacred, every voice heard is a lesson, every movement of the trees is encouragement, every breath of wind is healing, every drop of rain is a blessing. Live in thanks and you live in love. Soak in your blessings and be open to letting them unfold. Be open to letting your self unfold, hear your own voice and trust it. The flow of life will caress you in all of the ways that you crave, like no other person or experience can give you. Sharing my voice with my sisters, giving thanks with them has been a heart activation, an amazing blessing that can be shared with our tribe. Give thanks.
You Just Love 